بِسْمِ اللّٰهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ
الْحَمْدُ لِلّٰهِ
رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ وَالصَّلٰوۃُ وَالسَّلامُ علیٰ
رَسوُلِلّٰہِ
وَعَلٰی آلِہٖ
وصحبِہٖ اَجۡمَعِیۡن
اَمّا بَعد فَاَعُوذُ
بِاللّٰہِ مِنَ الشَّیۡطٰنِ الرَّجیۡمِ بِسۡمِ اللّٰہِ الرَّحۡمٰنِ الرَّحِیۡم
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا
رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا
وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاءً ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي
تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا O(النّساء:۱)
صَدَقَ
اللّٰهُ الْعَظِیْمُ
اللَّهُــمَّ
صَلِّ وَسَـــلِّمْ وَبَارِكْ على سَیدِنا
مُحمَّدﷺ وَعلیٰ آلہٖ وَصَحبِہٖ
-----------اَلسَّلامُ علیکم وَ السَّلامُ علینا وعلیٰ
عِبَادِ اللّٰہِ الصّٰلِحیۡن
اَلۡحَمۡدُلِلّٰہ by the Fadl of Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ وجل مجدہ. We are in the month of shawwal,
and the month of shawwal is the month, as you know, which just follows, the
month of Ramadhan, and in Ramdhan we are supposed to, purify and develop
ourselves in order, that we may, perform and we may live out, and we may
perform, according to, the purpose of existence, for which Allah جل مجدہ created us…. and amongst
the major parts and themes of life and specially on this face of the earth,
this our earthly live. An important and
major aspect in the social relationship and living with people, is marriage,
and, coming together of two, human-beings, as husband and wife. In such a way, that they, perform, and they live, and fit in, the bigger picture, of human
existence. It can never be, seen, as an
isolated, relationship or something separate from the actual purpose of
existence because it is supposed to be, part of that. If someone, will look, towards it, with a
different view, with a different, view in relation to the marriage, contrary to
the overall purpose of life and existence, that person has very, simplistic and
superficial view. It is as though they
have placed, or they have started building their house of their marriage on
sand, on a beach, on a sand base, where
there is no foundation, and it is just a matter of time, that person will be
disappointed, in one way or the other.
The loss can happen and take place in two
dimensions. One is the bigger loss, the
major loss, the real loss and one is the lesser. If two people come together, a man and woman,
husband and wife, and their coming together, causes them, to lose, their real
purpose and their real capital, then even though they might consider themselves
successful on some level, they will lose.
(In that a person think cannot) build something good, or something
strong on a ship which is sinking. So,
no matter how good quality, construction that is. Let’s take the example of the Titanic ship, so
many levels or you may say parts and different parts of the ship were built
very strongly very beautifully, they had first-class second call, others, specials
cabins, special floors. So no matter how
much, good they were, there were, in one of the servant quarters where the
servants and the workers used to live or you were in the executive suite, but
because the ship sank, they both failed.
It would be utter foolishness for the executive suite people, or the first-class
traveller to think, that yes, we are very successful at least we are in first
class because the overall function of the ship was, to stay afloat and actually
take the people and passengers to their destination and if it failed, it
doesn’t matter how good, the place was where you had or the drinks and the
food and the relationship and friendship you made with friends all that actually,
collapsed….. and if a person, likes some, to some it happened, they were
sitting not on the ship, very luxurious ship, but actually on a lifeboat where only one
person, where one person could sit, and without any other protection under the
sky, without food and facilities, but they were, they reached their
destination. They will be considered
successful, who are travelling on a small boat, and hit the shore, or reached
the shore. Compared to those who were
travelling in the luxurious high-class ship because they didn’t reach their
overall purpose. So similar to this,
marriage, has an overall purpose to fit in with the higher-level purpose for
what human being exists for, what they have been created. The second is just temporal enjoyment and
things. So, if the person, is successful
living simply, but in compliance, in conformity with the higher-level purpose,
that person will be considered successful and he is, she is successful. The others, they might live and have all the
luxurious things but if the overall purpose is not achieved, then they will be
deemed unsuccessful.
I will give another example, a second
example, now let’s take an example from a marriage. A person, two people get married, husband and
wife, they are living in a palace and they are not sincere to each other and
always there is chaos and calamity and fights and disputes. Whilst the other couple, are living in a hut
and they are living happily, so they will be considered successful. So, for marriage, also, there is an overall
purpose of how it fits in, the overall purpose of human existence and then
there are secondary things. So, we here,
the teachings, we have, through Prophet علیہ الصلوٰۃ و السلام and before him, all the انبیاء علیہم السلام, the teachings which they gave.
There is a higher purpose and a person who will have a concept contrary to
that, they will definitely be disappointed because it will not fit, as I say it,
as I say then there is, it is a sinking ship, then.
So, lets examine that this, the marriage,
is part of this earthly life, and the Creator of this earth and earthly life is
Allah (جل مجدہ). What has He said about this life? So that we may, in that light, we can
understand marriage, otherwise, we are going to have, an unrealistic fairy tale and
a kind of a superficial, a meak, idea and concept and no wonder, then actually,
divorce rates and separation rates, they are increasing day by day and
especially in the past two, three months, two months, during the lockdown and
now before the lockdown and now there as been much increase, because those who
were having a good relationship was mostly, sometimes, because of, they met each
other very less. So they were never able
to know the other personality even though they were husband and wife’s. But now that work has finished, if the wife
was working or the husband was working, now they both have to stay at home, and
now they become more aware of their personalities and when more and more
personalities are known, and we are not the world of angels we are a world of human
beings, and majority are sinners, they make mistakes, we make mistakes, we are
sin…, like the Prophet علیہ الصلوٰۃ و السلام said كلُّ بني آدم خَطَّاءٌ All
of the Human beings they commit mistakes, meaning they somewhere they disobey,
somewhere they do wrong things. So, when
we are living in the world of sinners and people who will forget people who
will make mistakes, majority will do that.
Then coming together very much closer to know more, most likely the
majority will obviously have negative sides, and when they have negative sides,
the other person will react to it.
Similarly, they will have a negative side or some flaw and the other
person does not know how to deal with it, so it will be a disaster. So that is why, recently it has increased,
domestic violence, divorce, separation, disputes, quarrels and all these
things. Why? Simple reason, there is nothing with the
lockdown or anything, it is, their wish was to live together, all their life,
but it is to now they have become closer.
So now you know, how difficult is it to know people? When we say we know someone or that person
is good, we are saying it actually from our outward, we say husband and wife know each other, well they don’t know each other as
well, as much as now they have the chance to know each other, and they
obviously found flaws that is why these things increase. Plus, moreover, they do not know how to deal
with it which makes it more worst. So,
this is the situation. So, Allah جل مجدہ ,(19.04)
the overall purpose, let me mention, says who is Creator of earth creator of
Human Beings, giver of the concept of marriage.
Allah سبحانہ
وتعالیٰ the overall
purpose He mentioned
تَبَارَكَ
الَّـذِىْ بِيَدِهِ الْمُلْكُۖ وَهُوَ عَلٰى كُلِّ شَىْءٍ قَدِيْرٌ Oاَلَّـذِىْ خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيَاةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ اَيُّكُمْ اَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا
ۚ وَهُوَ الْعَزِيْزُ الْغَفُوْرُ (الملک:1،2)
Allah عزوجل mentioned, blessed is He,
in who’s hands is Power all whatever the Kingdom is, he is the owner and he has
power over everything. So, he created
death and life, this is referring to this earthly cycle, because there is another
life as well, there was a life before we came here and there will be a life
after that, but this part, this cycle of life
اَلَّـذِىْ خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيَاةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ
اَيُّكُمْ اَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا ۚ
That this
has been created and you have been sent so that you may be tested, you may be examined, who amongst you is best in conduct.
So, two things
are mentioned, one is لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ. That you will be tested
meaning, this simply means that you will be put into situations, that every
situation, in this cycle of life and death in one way or the other is really a
test for you. You are being examined,
there is a situation, there is an engineered situations you are placed in. In order, to see your response. That who amongst you, reacts in the best
way. So, second is, اَيُّكُمْ, that
who amongst you, meaning you, you are the people that are in test,
The third is اَحْسَنُ. اَحْسَن means the best not just actually survive
or mediocre, but best. So, when
everything is going to be tested here, examination here, how could it be that
such a major part of one’s life, a human life, for example when they get into
their twenties they get married and up to the last day they are married one way or
the other. So how can that be, that that
equation of marriage, is out of this philosophy or this purpose which Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ جل و علا is outlining. It can’t
be. This means that it fits in with that
it is part and parcel of the test, examine, examination. So, its not going to be, smooth ride. Tests are not actually smooth always. If it is smooth that is also a test, if it is
challenging that it is also a test.
نعمۃ, meaning blessing or
actually calamity, both and Allah جل مجدہ
mentions there اَيُّكُمْ
اَحْسَنُ, who amongst you who is best, so the purpose of this life is to لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ refers to that Allah will put us in the situations, we don’t
have control over. That when we are
born, which parents are we born from.
Who is our uncle, who is our aunt, who is our mother, grandfather,
grandmother, which country, which language we speak, our mother tongue, many of
the things, we did not have control.
Similar, the situations everyday, who wanted to see or be in the
situation of coronavirus or anything, so situation is not, weather changes,
things changes, happens, many matters happen day and night, they are not… , so
that is لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ that Allah جل مجدہ is engineering and con.…. that is known as Qadar.
What is set by Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ are the tests, what is not set by Him, is
the, reactions to those tests. So
different situations, so Allah جل مجدہ says اَيُّكُمْ, Who amongst
you? That, amongst you اَحْسَنُ, The
Best, that they react in the best way.
So, from here we learn also, that the purpose of this life is to react in the most beautiful and the best manner to different, different
situations be it be actually calamities, be it actually blessings, be it
marriage, be it otherwise, whatever. So
this is like a total statement, an overall purpose of this life. Beautiful and best. That’s where the word احسان comes, that we should even worship in a beautiful manner. We should, Allah عزوجلloves beauty. ان اللہ جمیل ویحب الجمال All
ugly acts, that is why they are sins.
They are disliked by Allah جل مجدہ,
they are not beautiful. All good deeds,
they are good, they are beautiful, they are positive, they are constructive,
they develop you, higher and higher. So,
this overall purpose, that Allah جل مجدہ is indicating, اَيُّكُمْ اَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا
(20.08)
So, in all
matters I should be the most best, according to my abilities عَمَلاً my deed should
also be the best. My practice, my عمل, and then Allah said وَهُوَ الْعَزِيْزُ الْغَفُوْرُ after
this. عزیز means the one who’s dominant no one can withstand so he is
saying that if I want I can make you do things.
It is not that actually that I can not, but I have given you freedom,
but yes یا رب
العالمین we are still human beings, we may fall
short, after trying. Allah said وَهُوَ الْعَزِيْزُ الْغَفُوْرُ, I will cover if you turn to me, for any deficiency. So after trying, human being is human being
after all. So Allah عزوجل said I will cover, I will protect you from the
evil consequences of your deeds once you turn to me, or any deficiency, any
gaps, you do your best, اَيُّكُمْ اَحْسَنُ You do your
best and leave the rest to me. You do
your best and leave the rest to اللّٰہ جل مجدہ.
So now you have
understood the overall picture, the overall picture is, Allah عزوجل is going to put us in
situation, marriage, is also one of those situations, and events, and he wants
to see the best conduct. He didn’t say
the best will happen to you, he said you should react and respond in the best
way. Necessarily, best or good things
will, its not good things will always will happen to you. There will be evil, there will be شیطان, there will be the evil
of the نفس and ego and other people will be wronging you. So Allah عزوجل said no this is going to
happen, all I am saying is that your response should be at the best level and
then leave rest to me. I am وَهُوَ الْعَزِيْزُ الْغَفُوْرُ.
So once you have
this, clear, that all this game, this world, this life is test and to see my
response. Now, this thing to get out of
your mind, that there is no fairly tale, just actually hundred percent romantic
enjoy….relationship just actually, without any test, without any challenges or
anything. Now, you should understand, or
and this reality, should dawn upon you, okay this is not, that is the one
mistake, which many of us make and then we are finding something, we are
finding, like fish in the air. Fish are
in the sea, if you are going to jump into the sea, and we are finding birds in
the sea. Something is not going to be
present there. So the bird of total, romance
and love and other things, and that there will be no hardship actually, and we
are living in the sea. It will not be
there. This world has night and day,
cold, winter, hot weather, cold weather, all these things. So, once one does that, one knows this, then
the next thing comes, if it is a test, then how shall I pass this test. How shall I pass this test.
That is where
necessary guidance Allah جل مجدہ gave, Prophet علیہ الصلوٰۃ والسلام gave and in the light of that Syaiddunna Abdul Azeez Dabbagh (رحمہ اللہ تعالیٰ قدس سرہ العزیز) one of the Great Auilya and one of the Great Gnostics the
knowledgeable, he interpreted it, he made it easy, as a bite-size, for us to
understand and act upon, and if someone does act upon, almost success is
guaranteed, because his advice is based upon Quran and Sunnah and any person
who follows they are to be successful.
So, once you have understood that, that it is going to be a test and
challenge and I should be ready to respond in the best way. One, Allah عزوجل has given a hint already
of successful, for overall, for everything, not only for marriage or
anything. One hint is already given
there, for success, and that is اَيُّكُمْ اَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا
That if you
respond in the best way, not in an emotional way not how people are doing not
actually how the norm is, outside not crowd following, not actually egoistic,
not actually how you think, how others are telling, but know, best way which
Allah سبحانہ
وتعالیٰ mentioned, yes if your response is best
way that is a hint that you can be successful, response is what matters. So, this is important Allah جل مجدہ said
in the Quran, the verses of Quran which I recited of Surah Nisa , where He said
Oh people, be mindful يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمُ Be mindful of your Lord يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي
خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ
He Created You
From a Single Person and Created his Partner from Him and then from the pair He
spread countless men and women throughout the world be mindful of Allah in
whose name you make demands from each other.
Allah watches over you.
So, Allah جل مجدہ
mentioned this, the concept of taqwa, be mindful, why is a person mindful, that
they can save themselves, taqwa is also safe.
Save themselves from what? Going
out of the limits, responding in a bad way, not in a good way and in these
verses which Prophet علیہ الصلوٰۃ والسلام صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم used to read, in kutbah of nikkah, these verses mentioned taqwa
4 times, be mindful of Allah, be mindful of Allah, be….
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا
وَاتَّقُواللہَ الَّذِی
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ
وَقُولُوا قَوْلًا سَدِيدًا
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ اتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ
حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِ
(Around 34.23)
Four times, and
you will find that Taqwa is also related for practising, for thought, and in
morals and in emotions, also there are four things, which need, we need to be
mindful of using those four things. Namely, the body, the actions, the
physical. The mind, the thinking, heart,
the moral self, we need taqwa in relation to that which moral are we
cultivating, what are our rules, and forth type of taqwa in relation to the
nafs, emotion, how our, how our emotions, how do we manage our emotions, so
body, mind, heart and soul. Four times
taqwa is mentioned and the مشائخ have said look it, four times its
mentioned, and then there are four things really, where husband and wife are
going to deal with each other.
Through these
four faculties, body, mind, obviously they are going to think, heart and
actually soul. So, don’t have
unrealistic and superficial, artificial view of marriage, don’t have, because
you are going to face reality. You can
have fake and artificial and partial view but the situation you are going to be
facing is not, will not be fake, it will be a real person real situation. So yes, the Quran mentions in the سورۃ الروم,
that وَمِن آیَاتِہ (36.15).
That amongst His
signs is that He Created you from yourselves, mates
that you may find tranquillity in them and he placed between you affection and
mercy. Indeed in that are signs of
people who give thought. So Allah عزوجل already placed some affection
and mercy. If that is the case, that
Allah عزوجل has already placed affections and mercy and this is the mess
which we are making. Imagine if it was
not there even.
Now, like for
example, there are certain things which Allah جل مجدہ to a level,
programmes people, like for example, like opposite gender is attracted to the
opposite gender, there is some attraction there. There is attraction or you may say some
affection in between brothers, between brothers and sisters, mothers relatives
there is some affection some love and things.
It is not necessary every brother gets on, they have brotherly love, but
its no necessary they (get on). Every
sister gets on every child gets on with parents, every relative gets on with
another relative, though they have blood relations, they have some affections
which Allah عزوجل has already placed in.
But now to enhance and build on top of it, that is up to me. Similarly, husband and wife, Allah جل مجدہ mentions, that I have
already placed some affection and love in there, tranquillity in them, there
is, but now how to develop, enhance, and protect it, so that is the verse, but
in other verses Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ also mentions at the same time what if a spouse, a wife is rebellious,
husband is rebellious or disobedient to each other, which is called “نشوز”. Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ also
refers that as well. So in the fourth
chapter of the Quran, Allah addresses if a women get out of line how a man
should interact with his wife. If she
goes beyond what is considered normative in Islam. So
that, verses are also there. We also find in the Quran that Allah advises the
women how to handle the situation, Allah says to the men and live them with in
kindness.وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ
بِالْمَعْرُوفِ (النساء: 19)
Then also Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ mentions in the Quran وَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ ۖ(البقرۃ
:216) (39.05)
For if you
dislike them perhaps, maybe you dislike a thing and Allah, and there is
goodness for you, that there is goodness in you, in that thing for you. وَعَسَى أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ
(البقرۃ :216) (39.19)
And maybe you
love something and there is شر in you, this is mentioned in relation to
husband and wife. So that you dislike
one thing but maybe there is goodness, overall there is goodness for you. So these verses are also in the Qur’an so
know, Allah سبحانہ
وتعالیٰ is recognising that yes these issues can
happen between people, and then there is a full surah in the Qur’an.
There is a joke,
not a joke, but a real thing as well, like some people, have funny ideas. I am, so one person comes, I am having
problem between me and my wife, I should take some guidance and someone told me
that open the Qur’an and put your finger on and whatever that is guidance نصیحۃ for you to do, that’s what you should do, this or that or whatever,
be nice or speak truth or whatever. I
said look there is nothing like this, this is an example I am giving you, some
of it. So I said to him look this is not
the way, the Quran gives particular guidance for situations its not like people
have made fun of استخارہ, meaning opening the Quran and putting fingers on it. He said no no, I just want you to tell me the
meaning, what it means. I am going to do
it anyway. Okay it’s up to your but this
is totally out of order. So he opens the
Quran and there comes سورہ طلاق. I
said look now, the matter is I don’t need now give any interpretation or
anything its in front of you now. “No no
I don’t want to give Talaq” that’s it then, that’s what he said. So, meaning, there is proper, there is
actually what I meant to say that there is a whole surah of Qur’an, which is
named سورۃ
الطلاق, the Surah of Divorce, the chapter of
Divorce. So this means Allah جل مجدہ recognises that yes, there can be a divorce situation, there can be
a نشوز, which means rebelliousness, each other going outside boundaries,
there can be a mismatch in some ways, that they say we don’t like, this aspect
of someone and Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ has given guidance. But there is aspect of mercy, compassion,
care for each other, there are all.
So a person who recognises
the overall picture, which is it is going to be apart and parcel of the test
and marriage will be full of tests. Its
not, just a rosy picture, that everything is going to be fine. A fairy tale, or like in films and dramas
sometimes it is shown and recognising that all situations can be there and I
have to deal with it is a serious matter and that I should not take that
view. Because if you have that view then
no one is going to fit on that view and so never you will be able to live
happily or even survive. Because your
view is totally unrealistic.
Some people have
an unrealistic view of spouse, before marriage some actually, after marriage
there are two types of things. Some
people they have an unrealistic view before marriage, they have unrealistic
view. Some people after they get married,
they have unrealistic view, both are actually in trouble, because it is not
going to be like that.
Unrealistic
view, let me give you an example, one person came. I am looking for a spouse. Okay, what is your demand, what is your
acceptance, what is your requirement, anything that you want to (mention). Yes, the son says, he didn’t not say
verbally, he said, he said I have written it down. Here we are.. and that’s a list, that how
the, age, the height, and the hair colour, and the body and all these things
actually how. So that person, that son,
said that son, do you pray five times a day. “Yes” Well, good, now start praying Tahujud,
because no these dimensions, you will get حور in Jannah. That heavenly women will actually fit your
criteria, not anyone on the face of the earth.
So you do pray, good and well, start Tahajud so you get there and you
will get it there.
Here, in this
earth you do not get this type of thing and there are many, many people who are
sitting at home and going over the marriage age because they have been waiting
for their, you know, princess of their dream or the prince of their dream or
life. That’s only found in dreams, its
not real anyway, and now they actually have reached age, reached thirty, then
above thirty. Then now, they are ready
to even accept an average person, an average person is not ready to marry them,
because they have gone over the age. Firstly,
they reject, oh no I don’t like this, I don’t, he has, to fat, he is too thin,
he is too tall he is not this etc etc etc and now they say let anyone come, and
now nobody wants to actually, as such, entertain them.
Then there are
people who after their marriage they have this fairy tale type, actually,
concept which is contrary to reality and then you see, if you are expecting
something and it happens, you can deal with it very easily, because you are
expecting. That this thing is going to
happen, if you are expecting a road bump, when you are driving, so you know
there is a road bumps here, so the road is not smooth. So you will drive according to, slower speed,
mentality be prepared. But if you are
not, mentally prepared, you think it is a smooth road, like a motorway, at
motorway speed you are going over road bumps, what is going to happen. The car will get out of control plus you will
injury ourselves. So this is the
situation for those people who think its like, going to be a very fairy tale
type relationship, romantic and all one hundred percent everything rosy and
things. Because they expect like this
and then unexpected things happen, which is, tests come, it is very difficult,
they cant, they say cant stand it or we are actually, we are shattered now, it
is our inner selves and our minds are blown and you know we never had this
happen etc etc Until they actually they
come down to the reality.
So Allah جل مجدہ, in
this verse mentions four times, as Prophet علیہ الصلوٰۃ والسلام used to
recite. Now, Allah جل مجدہ mentioned as I am saying, He Created Us يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا (47.37) from one from male and then actually another from
partner from it etc and then from many men and women from there. So what is this verse saying. This verse is saying, this is purely the فضل of Allah, the Grace of
Allah that Allah has created humanity and number of humanity and it
increased. So we didn’t deserve it. So it is, we should be, rather thankful that
actually there are other human-beings.
We didn’t deserve. If there was
no Adam علیہ
السلام , was alone and Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ created سیدہ حوا رضی اللہ تعالیٰ عنہا. The other human-beings now we are living, we
take them for granted, but it is really فضل of Allah that we did not
deserve. We should be thankful to see
human-beings.
You see during
the lockdown people went out in the streets, they said oh we don’t like to walk
there is no one. They go to parks there
is no one. They go to restaurants, if
there is no person they don’t want to go.
They go to the shopping centre if they are alone, if they are alone in
the town, there is no one in town, everyone leaves it all your houses, it will
seem like a ghost town. So people are
actually, great blessing, that they actually help you, they actually are the
you may say, on the face of the earth Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ
spread them, they are like ornaments of the earth, without them there is no,
not much attraction in anything, a lonely person will, get depressed anyway,
but what we are doing is fighting, quarrelling, hitting and disputing and causing
all to these people and if they are not there, we are fighting over, piece of
land or things actually and if the person the people are not there, then what
will you do with land, who are you going to show, what are you going to do on
all of this land for example fifty acres, a hundred acres, what are you going
to do?
So think, Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ mentions that this is, that I am, the One which actually did,
Created you from a single person and created a partner from him and then
actually from there that pair spread, countless men and women, meaning in abundance,
men and women. So this is فضل and Grace of Allah, so
when a person knows it is a test, and my marriage is going to be a test and
plus it is فضل of Allah, if this person was not there, if those people were there, I was living alone. Adam علیہ السلام, it
is said, felt lonely in paradise when there is every blessing there. When سیدہ Hawa was not there, so
imagine here, if you, okay you say I don’t like this and I don’t ..and you
accept, and there is no one, no one, no women exist on the face of the earth
and you are alone, you say I don’t like anyone, what will you do face of earth (49.14).
You will die in loneliness. Yes
they are human-beings, they will, women and men both, they will have actually imperfections,
as the Prophet علیہ
الصلوٰۃ والسلام mentioned. كلُّ بني آدم خَطَّاءٌ
So in relation
to this, the advice which, and the نصیحۃ which سیدنا عبدالعزیز دباغ (رحمہ اللہ) gives, which I want to, wanted to share with you, few, one or two
points in the six seven, discourses. It
is such, that a person, will be in the best, he will be practising the best
reactions and best deeds and thus having a good successful married life, which
will fit within the higher purpose, is to pass in the test as well, which Allah
سبحانہ
وتعالیٰ has created, the overall purpose which is
as well Pleasure of Allah سبحانہ وتعالیٰ as well as, also this life, but just
before we finish for today this was the first session so I thought give you an
view.
One of the
reason, why people fail is. If you ask
them, what does Nikkah mean, they don’t even know that. What is the actual meaning of Nikkah, people
don’t even know that. Those who are sat
here, do any know what the meaning of Nikkah ?
If you do raise your hand. What
does literally the word actually Nikkah means literally.
Marriage is not
its not meaning. That is like a
figurative meaning. Those who are
sitting here no one is putting, and those who are listening I don’t know if you
know. You should type in there. Look at this, how will we find success, how
will we find happiness. If we don’t know
what we are doing. That is just like
crowd following, if others run, they have run, if others falls then they fall.
So listen to the meaning of Nikkah.
Literally meaning, then the شرعی meaning, that’s how we
are actually …..
Nikkah comes
from the Arabic word, as you know, it is
very clearن ک ح . نکح. نَکَحَ النُّعَاسُ. Which means sleep intermingled with his eyes,
or the two meaning, one is, how eyes meet with sleep. Eyes and sleep how it meets. Like eyes meet with sleep. Like brother Siraj’s have met (referring to
audience) . So how the eyes meet with
sleep , this is one meaning. Eyes, they
meet sleep or they do not? They meet
sleep. But how do they meet sleep? How is that relationship. Ie how eyes meet with sleep, sleep and eyes
get married, understand like that. So
how would it happen. When eyes are
closed, sleep comes, the eyes and sleep, how did a relationship they have. It is so deep and subtle relationship, that
they eye opens then sleep comes to an end.
It happens like this also, some people are sleep walking, but actually
normally, open your eyes, the sleep is gone as well. So eyes have a relationship with…. This is
one meaning or also the other meaning, it comes نَكَحَ الْمَطَرُ الأَرْضَ
Or the way, in
which raindrops get absorbed in the ground.
The way, which the raindrops get absorbed. Like raindrops, absorbing in the ground. Rain goes inside the ground. That in Arabic, when there are rain drops,
when they are absorbed by the ground.
That process is called نَكَحَ الْمَطَرُ الأَرْضَ. This is said, when the rainwater passes
through the dry exterior and reaches the lands interior, which is soft and
damp. So what does it mean, 2 meanings
now. The meaning of Nikkah, like the
Nikkah means, like relationship, the eyes have with sleep, or when the rain
drops actually absorbed in the earth.
These examples illustrate, what the Quran designates as a family matter
between man and wife. Through wedlock which is called Nikkah. Now comes the word Nikkah, from there. What it means, it means, that a relationship
between a husband and wife, should be like a relationship of eyes and
sleep. Husband
and wife should be figuratively, be absorbed into each other as sleep gets
absorbed by the eyes. So, like the sleep
gets absorbed by the eyes. So husband
and wife’s relationship should be as such.
That they absorb each other. Or
in the way in which the rainwater is absorbed by the ground. Husband and wife relationship should be, like
sleep is absorbed by eyes, or the rainwater is absorbed by the earth,
ground.
This sort of
relationship can last a lifetime only if the couples, values and beliefs are
the same, as and their way of thinking is alike, this is a basic condition for
a successful, Nikkah.
So if Nikkah
happens it should be like this actually.
See how relationship with eyes and actually and the rain drops sinks,
that a deeper relationship, not a superficial relationship, like here people,
normally there are, there are many kinds of physical marriage, spiritual
marriage and mental marriage, phycological marriage, emotionally being married,
there are all these things actually as they say, but if it is superficial one,
rain drops are coming but they are not being absorbed there’s not going to be
any vegetation and things. It will
just….and eyes do not meet, they do not absorb sleep, a person will be
sleepless. He has closed his eyes but
cant sleep. So that relationship is not
right. So this is to understand the
subtle relationship that actually, that ones gets absorbed, what does absorbed
mean? Absorb means actually that a
person should understand the other person.
Understand the other person. Eyes
like they absorb sleep, that they understand, there is a link between, eyes and
sleep that actually when eyes, when you don’t have sleep, you close your eyes
and slowly slowly the sleep follows.
Or when you have
overwhelming sleep, the yes actually start closing, they follow. Look, there is a relationship... When, how eyes meet sleep or how the rain
drops actually are absorbed. So the example of rain drops are absorbed, that
one new people, new things, husband and wife they were separate entities. Rain is something separate, ground is
something separate, so when they are absorbed, the ground absorbs and then
actually, how much pleasant, the ground becomes, greenery, fruits, flowers
that’s how the marriage becomes if there you get absorbed.
If you do not
let the, actually, understand each other, have a deeper relationship, meaning
to know how people think, how the other thinks, how the other actually, what
are the fears, what are the, anxieties, what is the emotional state of the
person etc etc. All these things
actually fully actually absorbing, understanding and then, actually one can
benefit, and if sleep… Similarly, eyes and sleep relationship. If eyes and sleep both meet, then how
peaceful the human being lies and sleeps.
Peaceful, how much freshness, how much peace the person gets when
actually, eyes and sleep meet a person is getting refreshed. A person is getting, having tranquillity... …
and those who have superficial relationship, just for show, ie eyes are closed
but not asleep this sort of cheating.
Like in a marriage there is a connection but only for show. Then for them like the body tires they also tire as
the sleep requirement has not been met.
Then there is going to be a problem.
Similarly, if
the rain drops and the ground does not let the water absorb, there’s not going
to grow anything, there will be no result, good result in that marriage. So it is, Qur’an also gives another, وَاَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّؕ (49.19)
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَ اَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّؕ
Gives the analogy of dress, that لباس, that you are there لباس. So this means, this is not the guidance from
Quran and Hadith, which Syidunna Abdul Azeez (رحمہ اللہ) what they said. This is just
the literal meaning, where the word Nikkah comes from. Actually, first a person should understand
this. That, actually, I have to absorb,
understand, open myself, accept, consider and all these things and then
inshallah there is going to be some fruitful result. So todays session we will finish here and if
you have any questions then inshallah in relationship to what has been said
because there will be as I said, that inshallah I am going to share, some
specific advice, and all the topics we have mentioned, conflict resolution and
other things and how to avoid conflict, how to etc etc do things but basic
concept should be clear, first.
49.18
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