Islam Made Me A Better Person

Islam Made Me A Better Person

15 Year Old Good Christian Girl Becomes 15 Year Old Good Muslim Girl

Natassia M. Kelly

I was raised to believe in God from childhood. I attended church nearly every Sunday, went to Bible school, and sang in the choir. Yet religion was never a really big part of my life.

 

There were times when I thought myself close to God. I often prayed to him for guidance and strength in times of despair or for a wish in times of despair or for a wish in times of want. But I soon realized that this feeling of closeness soon evaporated when I was no longer begging God for something. I realized that I even though I believed, I lacked faith.

 

I perceived the world to be a game in which God indulged in from time to time. He inspired people to write a Bible and some how people were able to find faith within this Bible.

As I grew older and became more aware of the world, I believed more in God. I believed that there had to be a God to bring some order to the chaotic world. If there were no God, I believed the world would have ended in utter anarchy thousands of years ago. It was comfort to me to believe there was a supernatural force guiding and protecting man.

Children usually assume their religion from parents. I was no different. At the age of 12, I began t give in depth thinking to my spirituality. I realized there was a void in my life where a faith should be. Whenever I was in need or despair, I simply prayed to someone called Lord. But who was this Lord truly? I once asked my mother who to pray to Jesus or God. Believing my mother to be right, I prayed to Jesus and to him I attributed all good things.

 

I have heard that religion cannot be argued. My friends and I tried to do this many times. I often had debates with my friends about Protestantism, Catholism, and Judaism. Through these debates I searched within myself more and more and decided I should do something about my emptiness. And so at the age of 13, I began my search for truth.

 

Humankind is always in constant pursuit of knowledge or the truth. My search for truth could not be deemed as an active pursuit of knowledge. I continued having the debates, and I read the Bible more. But it did not really extend from this. During this period of time my mother took notice of my behaviour and from then on I have been in a “religious phase”. My behaviour was far from a phase. I simply shared my newly gained knowledge with my family. I learned about the beliefs, practice, and doctrines within Christianity and minimal beliefs and practices within Judaism.

A few months within my search I realized that if I believe in Christianity I believed myself to be condemned to Hell. Not even considering the sins of my past. I was on a “one way road to Hell” as southern ministers tend to say. I could not believe all the teachings within Christianity. However, I did try.

 

I can remember many times being in church and fighting with myself during the Call to Discipleship. I was told that by simply confessing Jesus to be my Lord and Saviour I would be guaranteed eternal life in Heaven. I never did walk down the aisle to the pastor’s outstretched hands, and my reluctance even increased my fears of heading for Hell. During this time I was at unease. I often had alarming nightmares, and I felt very alone in the world.

 

But not only did I lack belief but I had many questions that I posed to every knowledgeable Christian I could find and never really did receive a satisfactory answer. I was simply told things that confused me even more. I was told that I am trying to put logic to God and if I had faith I could simply believe and go to Heaven. Well, that was the problem: I did not have faith. I did not believe.

 

I did not really believe in anything. I did believe there was a God and that Jesus was his son sent to save human-kind. That was it. My questions and reasoning did, however, exceed my beliefs.

The questions went on and on. My perplexity increased. My uncertainty increased. For fifteen years I had blindly followed a faith simply because it was the faith of my parents.

 

Something happened in my life in which the little faith i did have decreased to all but nothing.  My search came to a stop. I no longer searched within myself, the Bible, or church. I had given up for a while. I was a very bitter parson until one day a friend gave me a book. It was called “The Muslim-Christian Dialogue”.

 

I took the book and read it. I am ashamed to say that during my searching never did I once consider another religion. Christianity was all I knew, and I never thought about leaving it. My knowledge of Islam was very minimal. In fact, it was mainly filled with misconception and stereotypes. The book surprised me. I found that I was not the only one who believed there was a simply a God. I asked for more books. I received them as well as pamphlets.

 

I learned about Islam from an intellectual aspect. I had a close friend who was Muslim and I often asked her questions about the practices. Never did I once consider Islam as my faith. Many things about Islam alienated me.

 

After a couple months of reading the month of Ramadan began. Every Friday I could I joined the local Muslim community for the breaking of the fast and the reciting of the Qur’an. I posed questions that I may have come across to the Muslim girls. I was in awe at how someone could have so much certainty in what they believed and followed. I felt myself drawn to the religion that alienated me.

 

Having believed for so long that I was alone, Islam did comfort me in many ways. Islam was brought as a reminder to the world. It was brought to lead the people back to the right path.

 

Beliefs were not the only thing important to me. I wanted a discipline to pattern my life by. I did not just want to believe someone was my saviour and through this held the ticket to heaven. I wanted to know how to act to receive the approval of God. I wanted a closeness to God. I wanted to be God-conscious. Most of all I wanted a chance for heaven. I began to feel that Christianity did not give this to me, but Islam did.

 

I continued learning more. I went to the Eid celebration and Jummah and weekly classes with my friends.

 

Through religion one receives peace of mind. A calmness about them. This I had off and on for about three years. During the off times I was more susceptible to the temptations of Satan. In early February 1997 I came to the realization that Islam was right and true. However, I did not want t make any hasty decisions. I did decide to wait.

Within the duration the temptations of Satan increased. I can recollect two dreams in which he was a presence. Satan was calling me to him. After I awoke from these nightmares I found solace in Islam. I found my self repeating the Shahadah. These dreams almost made me change my mind. I confided them in my Muslim friend. She suggested that may be Satan was there to lead me from the truth. I never thought of it that way.

 

On March 19, 1997 after returning from a weekly class, I recited the Shahadah to myself. Then on March 26, I recited it before witnesses and became an official Muslim.

 

I cannot express the joy I felt. I cannot express the weight that was lifted from my shoulders. I had finally received my peace of mind.

 

 It has been about five months since I recited the Shahadah. Islam has made me a better person. I am stronger now and understand things more. My life has changed significantly. I now have purpose. My purpose is to prove myself worthy of eternal life in Jennah. I have my long sought after faith. Religion is a part of me all the time. I am striving everyday to become the best Muslim I can be. People are often amazed at how a fifteen year old can make such an important decision in life. I am grateful that Allah blessed me with my state of mind that I was able to find it so young.

Striving to be a good Muslim in a Christian dominated society is hard. Living with a Christian family is even harder. However, I do not try to get discouraged. I do not wish to dwell on my present predicament, but I believe that my jihad is simply making me stronger.  Someone once told me that I am better off than some people who were born into Islam, in that I had to find, experience, and realize the greatness and mercy of Allah. I have acquired the reasoning that seventy years of life on earth is nothing compared to eternal life in Paradise.

I must admit that I lack the aptitude to express the greatness, mercy, and glory of Allah. I hope my account helped others who may feel the way I felt or struggle the way I struggled.

Courtesy: The MWL Journal, Feb, March 2013